i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I didn't notice because vodka
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize