So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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