When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
