I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
