a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
