three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
