Screwed.edu
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
