I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
