Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
