what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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