Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I deserve this hangover.
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