Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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