Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
