Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
