final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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