Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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