Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
