I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
