Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I didn't notice because vodka
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
