I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
