OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
