i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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