why didn't you poke me back
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize