Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
