so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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