After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
