Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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