WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
