When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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