It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
