Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
