WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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