Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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