You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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