he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
