By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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