the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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