***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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