i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Randomize
