is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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