I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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