My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
