Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize