in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
