Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
