vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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