I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We left the knife in your bed.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
