If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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