i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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