real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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