Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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