i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
