broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
