Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
