I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
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I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
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If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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