She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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