In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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