In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
