New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
