It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Is it penis luge time yet?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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