So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
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I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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